I like the holidays, especially this one.  I like getting things I wouldn’t normally buy for myself, which is not a lot.  I’ve been quite indulgent this year.  Part of being positive ala The Secret.

I really get delighted when I receive small tokens, keychains, alarm clocks… you know, tchotchkes and things.  Haaayz

LOA - Law of Attraction

Had this conversation with AJ this evening

Maybe he’s right.

For some reason, I could not get myself to sleep when I went horizontal at around 3AM today.  There’s just too many things on my mind right now, so much of it: insecurities.  Perhaps the extended period of procrastination has finally taken its toll on my mind.

Personally, I know it’s silly and miniscule, but I worry that I may have nothing more of myself to share to people around me… my friends in particular.  That maybe I have taught all the lessons I had to teach.  I feel like I’m slipping into the shadows, so to speak.  I don’t want to grandstand, but I don’t want to be completely ignored either.

It didn’t help that the Former Pakistan Prime Minister Bhutto’s assassination was all over the news.  I worry about what the world has become.
Oh well, all we can do is focus on peace, you know, to attract it.  As for my personal issues, I guess I am too formidable a soul to be dependent on other people’s attention.

Forming these words, I can’t help but be thankful for how happy this Christmas has been for me, comparing it to last year.  I started the eve right by having dinner with two of my most favorite people in the world.

In a span of a few months, Vic and Jim have become one of my closest friends.  I guess they’re one of the gifts that the Universe has given to me this year.
After dinner, I went home to find an abundance of kin in my house.

The atmosphere was light and festive…

And very happy…  People were happy…

 

and Chica (What a pose! lol)

This day is really for gathering all the people you love.  There’s just no other way to spend it…

I hope you did it the same way I did, and I hope that it’s just as happy.

Merry Christmas everyone!

… now back to watching Fred Astaire movies

Found this pair of shoes at the Philosophy Store in Serendra, after dinner during Avenue Q night.

These shoes are on consignment from an artist who handpaints them.  No two pairs are alike. Kewl no?!

My friend Carl decides to pose with the shoes.

I want!
Post script: Sorry again Carl for my screw-up the other day.  Haaayz

What if you are faced with this enormous wall, and you know that scaling it will change you forever?

What if you know that not all your friends will be able to go with you to the other side?

That’s the downside to evolution, not everybody gets to move on.

Someone always gets left behind…

Quelling

I am strong. I am pure invincibility.
The heart of the warrior calls my name.
When he calls on strength.

I wear the Nephilim
As I master the forces
That affect the weak of heart

I quell negativity.
I quell hate and Infidelity.
I quell doubt; I quell distrust,

Insecurity and weakness,
I reject them all.
I am too strong to accept them.

I accept only positivity,
Trustworthiness, and hope.
Above all else, I accept love.

-midnight anxiety, 12/20/2007

I called it a wave of change, this inevitable wall I have to scale.  I know that the issue that triggered it has pacified, but it is still coming.

That’s what new years are all about really - changes.

I’ve been cooped up in bed all Monday.  Waking up at 930AM this morning, just felt dizzy, my throat was hurting, and my hands burning with allergies. (Sorry, too much info)  So I decided to sleep it off.  I guess we now know that my structural integrity is indeed compromised.  Haaayz

I did have a fun weekend though…  Started with the Avenue Q play at RCBC…

Don’t I look tired and struggling?  I was…

Rachel Alejandro looked chica all throughout the play, even after

Joel Trinidad and Aiza Seguerra kicked major ass! lol

This is us with the lead actor, Felix Rivera.

I definitely LOVE Q. (with Rychard Everley)

Thanks Carl for the invite to this play…

Now I’m going back to bed… Xoxo Zzz Zzz

Aren’t Directors of the company supposed to have courtesy as one of their basic skills?  I thought that was how things were before.  But I just met the trashiest Executive ever.  Putting me on the spot like that for a hardware request (a laptop) that I did not initiate nevertheless.  Have these people ever heard of the concept called Morale Management?  I guess not…

STUPID PRICK!

To be continued… I’m going to Red Kimono to relieve the stress that this panget caused me…

CONTINUED Dec. 15:

Acquiring a (relatively) cooler head this morning, I decided that in the interest of preserving my professionalism, I am not going to give anymore details about the person.  It’s just that individually, I look into the leadership of the company as my role models.  Now that I’ve seen how second rate a director can be, ‘The Firm’ has definitely lost its luster in my eyes.

If all I had is my Id though, I’d punch him on the face.  Or better yet, I’ll hire people to make bugbog, while I’ll watch and laugh from a distance - preferably a hilltop somewhere.  Very villanous kasi… lol

Who would’ve thought that my life(career, social, love) would be set in such a fast pace… warp speed even.  If my present self travelled back in time to tell my past-self (of august or earlier) that I will be THIS busy, then I would have laughed at him.

But what if this vessel isn’t built for warp travel?  What if this fast-paced life compromises my structural integrity?  When I asked the Universe for social abundance, I never thought I would be on the verge of thinking if I should hire another ME to live at least half of it.

I should slow down to maximum impulse, at the very least.  Haaayz

My Ate Joy replied to my comment through email, but I thought I should share it with you guys.  She wrote:

Dear Angelo,

Thank you.  I just felt the need to express my thoughts to you but it seemed I offended you.  I’m sorry.  I gave those comments maybe because of what I partially read from your blogs.  I apologize for misjudging you.

Based on your reply, I would like to believe that you’re doing fine in all areas of your life (although there may be occasional down moments).   I’m proud of you and admire you for what you’ve become despite the trials.  You may not need an unsolicited advice from someone like me but I can’t help it because I worry about you.  I forgot you’re an adult now.  Blame it to my tendency to think of you as my small brother. :(  (Just like Masol.)

Anyway, take another unsolicited advice from your ate:  Live a good full life.  Use your gifts and talents well for the greater good of humanity.  You are a miracle and God loves you unconditionally.  But I know you already know that.

Mizpah and take care always.  Watch over Aki.  Looking forward to talking to you soon.

Love,
Ate Joy

Honestly, I think it takes a sensible woman to admit that she overlooked some things.  Don’t worry about us Sis, we’re doing fine over here.

For those who have been wanting a Moto Q 9h, I lifted this out of the CNET Asia Review:

The good: QWERTY keypad; HSDPA (3.5G) connectivity; dual processors.

The bad: No Wi-Fi; screen could be slightly wider.

The bottom line: The Q 9h has one of the best smart phone keypads we have used and the Windows Mobile 6 software moves along fairly speedily. It’s definitely one of the better models out there at the moment.

CNET Rating: 8/10
User Rating: 4/10

I think the only downside of this phone is the lack of Wifi.

From the Golden Compass, this is my Daemon:

The game assessed me as modest, responsible, assertive, sociable and proud. 
I love the idea of this movie.  You should watch it.  I just can’t wait for the continuation.

When I saw this Anya Hindmarch bag at Ms. Cecile’s Blog, I found it super cool for it’s (environmental) cause.

This 5 English Pound bag (less than 500Php) caused long lines and stampedes when it came out worldwide.  Anyway, I had a fun day with Dave, Chris and Cholo yesterday at Greenhills.  I didn’t get to hangout with them for a while now, it’s just great to do so again.  I saw a knockoff version of that bag for 650Php.  You heard it right, the knock-off that costs more than the original. 

I just couldn’t believe it when I heard the tindera say it, but eventually proceeded to mentally correct her: “that’s not the lining, that’s the handle… etc. etc.”

I received this comment recently:

Dear Ador,

Missed seeing you when I visited Manila.  Although you and Aki stayed in Digos for a while, I haven’t had the time to get to know you as a person and develop a special bond with you although I consider you part of our extended family.

As you matured, watching you from a distance, I know that you are a special person and a gifted one.

You have achieved so much and still achieving more.  Yet, despite your achievements, you are still alone and lonely inside.  Your blogs (well-written!) revealed your sadness… for a reason.  Yet, I can sense that despite the successes in your career, your heart is still yearning for more.  Try to examine closely the reason for such restlessness.

Like St. Augustine, your heart will always be restless until it rests in Him…. Material things will never replace the comfort that He can give.  We can acquire all the gadgets and bags in the world but we can never be truly happy and serene inside.  Perhaps, you need to open your heart, mind and soul (and wallet…) to the needy.  Perhaps, like Mother Teresa and St. Francis of Assisi (2 of my favorite saints), you will truly find what you’ve been missing all your life…  can’t help preaching… sorry
As the song written by Manuel V. Francisco, SJ goes,

In Him  alone is our hope, in Him alone is our strength.
In Him  alone are we justified, in Him alone are we saved.
What have we   to offer that does not fade or wither?
Can the world ever satisfy the emptiness in our hearts?     In vain we    deny.
When will you cease running in search of hollow meaning?
Let His love feed the hunger in your soul till it overflows
With joy you yearn to know.

As an Ate, I just feel the need to reestablish the lost link between us no matter how thin that link was.  I hope you will get in touch with me and consider me your spiritual Ate…

Despite your distance and deliberate attempts to cut us off from your life, I conside you and Aki as my younger brothers…  I still treasure the picture you had with Aki, Masol, Mama, Tiya Cita at the old Mary Mediatrix Church taken during your recognition day years back….

Finally, you may explore the writings of Anthony de Mello, St. Ignatius of Loyola and St. Augustine.  Perhaps, you may approach a Jesuit spiritual director to become your confidante and counselor.  My prayer is that you will have to grace to have a fuller life with Him…

Take care always and strive to be happy.  Do not think that you are alone because you are not and never will be…

Mizpah.

Ate Joy

I answered her with this comment:

Hi Ate,

Thank you for your generous comment.

I am sorry if I don’t get to communicate with you as much.  Life is indeed busy.  I am riding the wave of my career, of which I believe is because I already paid my dues from the past years.  It simply is foolhardy to stop now.  One thing I have learned about myself is that I tend to have a one track mind, and tend to lose track of how long I’ve not been talking to my relatives.

Regarding my blogs, I am sorry if I tend to show you a refracted view of myself in them.  Despite all the things that happened to me, I am a happy person.  Now more than ever, God has given me all the things that I have focused on: meaningful friendships, love, truth and clarity.  I may not mention it, but I know that I do have a special relationship with God, more than any Sabbath obligation can bring.  It just so happened that besides going to mass and other “traditional” methods of worship, I use my daily meditations to reach into myself and to HIM.  In my blog, when I say “The Universe”, I am actually referring to God in metaphysical terms.
 
Whatever conflict I went through inside, it’s basically a side effect of one of God’s gifts to me - love and all the happiness and hurt that it brings.  Yes, sometimes I am sad.  Sometimes I even feel like I’m stuck in a quagmire.  But all in all, I thank Him for reminding me that I am still human.

I do admit that after our recent loss, I felt kind of lost, then felt formidable.  So formidable that I became unfeeling and shut myself from other people.  But it’s different now, I am breaking down those walls.  I am a very empathic person.  I think that’s one of the gifts that God has given to me.  So empathic that I do know that the material things that I write about are just that: material.  I write about them because I like writing about them, and I like that most of my readers like reading about those.  I buy some of them because either I need or want them.  I do not, in any case, try to substitute them for real emotional gratification.

Thanks Ate and hope to talk to you soon.

/Angelo

I know some people have hearts big enough to give unsolicited advice, and I truly appreciate that.  But know that whatever entries in my blogs are, they are just that: entries in my blogs.  These may be my thoughts, but these are not all that I think about.  I do not think of gadgets and bags all day, that’s what I’m simply saying.  I always thank God and I have a relationship with Him, although I seldom write about it.

I may look unforgiving, arrogant and without faith because I show resilience after weathering the strongest of storms.  But I survived them because I pinned myself against a wall, a Higher Power.

Perhaps my faith is even stronger than those who use the scriptures… because I have already faced the worst of things… of loss… and I stood my ground beside my God… and triumphed.  Now that is beyond scriptures, wouldn’t you think so?

Saw this at bizjournals.com

Gap Inc. is upping its commitment to international expansion through franchises.

The company said Tuesday that it, with help from its franchise partner Rustan Group of Cos., will open eight Gap stores and four Banana Republic stores throughout the Philippines over the next five years. The first Gap store will open by year’s end and the first Banana Republic will open by spring 2008.

We already know about the Gap stores in Trinoma and G4.  Heck, I already made my first purchase last weekend.  But I’m also excited about Banana Rep :).

I always said 2008 is going to be a great year.