Finally, after a long time, I have been able to update midnightanxiety.com.  Well, it’s more like completing the first version of the site…

My art page is still having some trouble though.  I need to get myself a scanner for my drawings.

An opportunity for a fresh start has come my way, so today I end my stay with Sungard.  God knows I need the reset, as well as the quiet time to reflect on which path to take.Â

Now I have a few weeks of rest, then off to the trainings.  That will be for five weeks.  After that, maybe I will be a full-fledged Technical Consultant.  My four years of technical experience and Java Certification put a foot on the door.  I just hope that I can have the dedication, the focus and the inner strength to successfully make the transition.

Tabularasa…  Thank God.

Problems in the family caused a yelling session between my younger brother and me today.  It went so bad that even after that, I felt a little attitude from him when we were at church.  The pressure that I’m getting from making decisions for the family is taking a toll on me and my relationships.  I feel like I am growing worse as a person, in my outlook and disposition.  I think it’s all the frustration that I feel because of some people who obviously have not learned enough from the ordeals that we have gone through these recent years.

I think the best plan of action is to not dedicate myself to fixing some problems, more so fixing some people.  It is, afterall, arrogance to feel like I am carrying the world on my shoulders.

My sister died last Thursday, a day after I gave my two weeks notice with the Firm.  She was suffering so much up to her last breath, that a part of me is just thankful that God had put an end to her ordeal.  Her painful cries that echoed the house during her final week is still a memory that I cannot shake off.

Up to now I think that I am still in shock.  My initial reaction was to rise up to the challenge and be the strong brother in the family.  I pretty much spearheaded the arrangement of the memorial services.  So aside from trikles of realization here and there, I have not had the opportunity for a cathartic moment.  Well, somebody had to not break down, right?

When I first experienced loss of a loved one, the wave of pain that I felt was something that I would never wish on anybody, not even to the most evil of people on this earth.  No amount of bad karma can justify the infliction of that much hurt for someone.  Nobody deserves to go through that.

I still believe in that now.

—–

I am going to continue with my decision to leave the Firm.  I don’t belong there right now, that much I know.

Everybody is telling me that a better life lies ahead in this new year, seeing that 2006 was not good to us.  Well, here’s hoping for a happy 2007 for all of us!